Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize