maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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