bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
