i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
