i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
