just tell him i said nine months
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
