haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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