He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize