so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
