I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
