We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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