That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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