i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
