I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
