I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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