i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
