My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
