I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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