I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
