We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
