I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
