between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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