Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
