I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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