My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
