i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
