i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
