i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
