I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
