another moral hangover. fuck.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
