Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
