if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
