Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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