Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
