I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
