Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
