U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
