Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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