Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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