My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
