Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
