Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
