True but thats because hes a fetus.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize