New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
