i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
