new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
