like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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