I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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