ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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