I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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