Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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