singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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