i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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