so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Im part way to drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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