Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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