If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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