k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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