STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
