The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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