Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
