I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
