Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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