The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
