Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
