we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
