FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
