4 words: hood of his car
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
