Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
