So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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