Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
